Was talking with a friend yesterday about alleriges and gut health and exploring suspicions of why our babies guts were damaged. I literally lay in bed at night at times (up with the Harv) and go over in my head what I would do differently could I be pregnant again with Jack. I need to work on that. I'm not riddled with guilt but I do feel helpless at times and when you have answers you at least have a sense of closure. I need to accept that I'll never know why and that this journey is about SO much more than that. I came across this verse this morning and it was one of those moments where you feel God speaking to you.
So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
All us allergy moms (and all mothers who have a child with any kind of special need) are just longing to strike some sense of balance, a baseline kid that can navagate this world and be nourished. No treatment fits all and there is zero instant gratification along the way. Our love for our kids keeps us going but we need encouragement like you wouldn't believe. By others we're asked questions and we give answers that even we are unsure of, through our husbands we are given support, from our children we are given hope, but there is nothing as encouraging as having someone who knows exactly what you're going through to share with. We all have the dedication that keeps us on an elimination diet, researching when we should be sleeping, being the crazy lady with hundreds of questions for the professionals. We don't want to be that lady.... I don't want to be this paranoid, I swear Harvey can't even fart in his sleep without me analyzing what he ate that could have caused it. I have him eating pretty much what Jack eats which is probably healthiest anyway.
A great big thank you to those of you who listen to my diarrhea stories and healing strategies!! I noticed Jack avoiding the blueberries in my muffins so yesterday I made some with apples and banana and pumpkin seeds and they were SO good, better than the blueberry. I think I ate seven of them (they're small..ish). Jack had three but he was major cranky pants in the evening and a little whiney in his sleep so I think he's either having trouble digesting all the grains I've been giving him even with enzymes or the b vitamins that we've been slowly increasing were just doing their thing. His nightly epsom bath seemed to really help and today we'll eat foods he's extremely tolerant of. Found buckwheat flour at Whole Foods yesterday and am stoked about that, buckwheat is the only grain Jack doesn't react to on blood tests. Now if I can just figure out how to make a good buckwheat pancake without any other flours added....