Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Back and forth, back and forth...


Nope, not the motion of me rocking in the corner.

It's more the extremes of the pendulum in my head, in our lives. So quickly my tune changes from Bob Marley's Three Little Birds to a Portishead track. I question whether or not I'm addressing enough, where this next year will take us, what Jack's future health will entail. He can barely have an off afternoon without my mind tripping out on what could be bothering him - diet? mercury? tired? some kind of crazy stealth seizure activity? I wish I were exaggerating. Joyful moments fill the spaces, we celebrate gains and count our many blessings. I see massive potential, I envision allergy tests coming back negative, I drift to sleep easily.

While vacillating between whimsical and worry-wart, there are constants. I'm confident every day that Jack's leaky gut is healing and that homeopathy has offered us a path that no other could. My emotional swings reflect our very nature - fear, anxiety, hope, love. The middle ground, the resting point of the whirlwind, is where I find solace and perspective. All is well. A mother's love and concern for her child is the driving force to do what it takes to make a difference in their life. In small ways and in large I see why we're on this journey and that we are headed in the right direction.

Yesterday was Jack's official first day of preschool (last month was their summer session - a relaxed version of the program) and Jack didn't cry but was quite shy when we arrived. When I picked him up he was ALL SMILES and chattered away about painting a t-shirt and having so much fun. His teacher said "he had a great day, he does really great with structured activities, and I got lots of smiles out of him". I told her I had hesitated to do the summer program because he craves structure so much but that I was glad we did it because it gave him a chance to get comfortable. I really really like this teacher, she is going above and beyond with our boy. Last night he told Justin about circle time and sang a cute little song that required taking a bow and a "nice to meet you". Adorable.

Earlier we had this little convo:

Jack: I had a sandwich, and watermelon, and a juice box wif lunch!
Me: Yeah, I packed those in your monkey lunch bag for you.
Jack: No...Mrs. M made it for me.
Me: Oh, wasn't that nice of her! (let's keep the love flowing shall we?!)

Yesterday morning when he saw me packing up his packpack he was like "Um, it's too cold for preschool, we need to go to the store, we can't go, you can't go." Today he noticed me packing up and said "Can we go to preschool?!!" and when we arrived he ran outside to play with the other children. And this after a rocky morning of him waking on the wrong side of the bed. I won't go into my overanalyzation of why that might be. Back and forth, baby, baaack and forth!

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