Jack was whiney last night. That combined with digestive issues had me concerned. Then he kept telling me that I was hurting his feelings which made me feel like a big ole pile of you-know-what. I slipped into a funk yesterday afternoon. Can't slap a label on it but I was just overwhelmed with feelings of all I do is DO and all I get for it is MORE to do. Don't get me wrong, I find great thanks, reward, and satisfaction in serving my family. It's a job I wouldn't trade for any other and I'm thankful to have it. So when my thinking falls into that dangerous kind of place I am quick to lift my way out of it. We're also having our bathroom cabinets refaced today and tomorrow which means stuff out of order, people in and out, and chemicals in my haven. I'm easily derailed by that sort of thing (I have anxiety too). I realized that Jack was feeding off my energy. He missed his happy and playful mama and having me serious-faced and patience deprived was really getting him down.
Today I did some early morning thinking (thanks time change) and I'm trying very hard to be the mama I know I can be. I started the day by warming two blankets in the dryer for a few minutes and wrapped up my little boysicles all cozy on the couch. Jack dropped one of his "fish balls" (cod liver oil supp) and I ran around saying "I'm a super fast fish ball, you can't catch me". He was rollin'. It's easy. And it's not. But I will be a monkey's uncle if I let my petty little mood affect my baby so greatly. And I need to work on outlets of my own.....I keep waiting for a leaping off point to get into yoga again. Maybe yesterday was it.